Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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