dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
