barbara walters just said penis...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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