I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
