Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
