sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
