Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
