how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
