I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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