guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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