I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
