with your own penis?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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