It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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