I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
sex in a hospital.. check
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
