I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
