Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
