Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
