Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
