I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
