it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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