Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
