The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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