We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My hand turned me down
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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