thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
