Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
