My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
