haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
