I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
