I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
