***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
