oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
