its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
