she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
