the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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