New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
