Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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