2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
