You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
