If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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