so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
