im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Randomize
