You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
