Its about making memories worth repressing
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
