oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
