I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
