One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
