I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
A+ Viking dick
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
