In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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