I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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