do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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