We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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